Lousy Mom Overshare

“Parenting” and “perfection” are mutually exclusive terms, though sometimes I feel I should be doing better.  Like when I realize that my son is the only baby in daycare eating mass produced food when the rest of the kids are dining on homemade mush.  But surviving my kids’ early years means finding shortcuts to get through the day without anybody getting hurt. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always lead to my proudest moments.  Here are the top 10 reasons that categorize me as a Lousy Mom.

  1. 3-Second Rule?  More like a 3-Day Rule at our house.  If it hasn’t grown fuzz, it’s nutritionally viable.
  2. I am still using a recalled highchair.  I will continue to use it until my child outgrows it.
  3. Quiet time means my 3-year is probably keeping busy by tattooing her hands with Sharpies.  Quietly.  So I’ll take it.
  4. I have yet to invite children to my kids’ birthday parties.
  5. My daughter was the same thing for Halloween 2 years in a row because the costume still fit.  I would pass it down to my son, but I’m getting pushback from the family to have him dress as Little Orphan Annie.
  6. Lunch is hummus and crackers, for the 137th school day in a row.
  7. I attend playdates so the messes are made in somebody else’s house and I get to drink fancy tea.
  8. I host playdates so a kid can break our loudest toys, and to rid the pantry of picked over butter cookies from Christmases past.
  9. I never seem to have the “right money” for coin-operated kiddie rides outside the supermarket.
  10. Those green eggs I made to accompany the ham?  Unintentional.

Don’t you feel better about your own parenting foibles?  What makes YOU think you’re a lousy mom?



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5 responses to “Lousy Mom Overshare

  1. Di

    I get bagels as a “treat” because I would rather eat out than cook a nutrious breakfast?

    Quiet time means the nearly 2-year old is climbing into his crib. At least he can’t get out. Yet.

    Love your blog!

  2. tartetitou

    You’re a Winner for being able to find the humor in all the chaos!! My Lousy Mom hall of fame moment is using the laugh track to lull my 1 year old to sleep quickly so that I can eat bowls full of mint chip while enveloped in the blue glow of H-B-O!

  3. @Di: bagels ARE nutritious (unless they’re the French Toast bagels @ Juju’s on 76th)
    @tartetitou: enjoy it while it still works; the kid will catch on soon!

  4. Consuming more than a half of bottle of wine as a nightly ‘reward’ for bathing kids and putting them to sleep before 9
    (I’ve heard 3 other mom friends confess to this as well – there, I’m not alone!)

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