Diet Plan for Moms of Wee Ones

The key is to eat frequent, small, unappetizing meals throughout the day and supplement with antioxidants in the form of red wine or dark chocolate.*

  • 6:30am: toothpaste
  • 7:30am: pre-schooler’s soggy leftover waffle
  • 8am: Cheerios dug out of the crevices of the baby’s highchair, and neck
  • 9am: coffee…any way you can get it (hot, cold, in the pot – 9 days old…)
  • 12pm: crusts cut off from pre-schooler’s sunflower seed butter and jelly sandwich
  • 12:15pm: the rest of the sandwich, save for the one bite the kid agreed to take
  • 12:30pm: remaining coffee…cold
  • 1pm: raisins?  At least that’s what they appear to be after pulling them out of the rug
  • 3pm: apple peel (result of sharing your snack with the pre-schooler)
  • 5pm: Diet caffeinated beverage and goldfish by the handful as you hide out in the kitchen for the time it takes your pre-schooler to put away her Legos yet not so long that the baby has entrapped himself in the electrical cord nest under the desk
  • 6pm: the stalks of your pre-schooler’s broccoli; the skins of her sweet potato and her half-chewed drumstick (or seitan chunks for vegans)
  • 11pm: birth control pill

*Always consult with a physician before embarking on any eating plan you stumbled across on the internet.



Filed under food, summer

7 responses to “Diet Plan for Moms of Wee Ones

  1. This is hilarious. I’m gonna share it with my fellow mommies.

  2. OMG! I am laughing so hard. Yesterday I picked up a unidentifable object and inadvertently put it in my mouth (yuck, I know) then I mumbled to myself I just put a two or three day old dried out sweet pea in my mouth from my daughter’s high chair without batting an eye! Great post!!

  3. I love this post. It made me laugh out loud. Just yesterday I picked up an unidentifiable object from my daughter’s high chair and without thinking put it into my mouth (I know pretty gross). I thought to myself, “what was I thinking?’ Turns out it was a dehydrated pea from the night before. Great Post! Thanks for the chuckle.

  4. Pingback: Proud to have a “Proudest Post” | Mama Jabber.

  5. Thanks to Babble for including my diet plan in their round-up of bloggers’ “proudest posts.” I’m flattered! Check it out, plus a lot of other great posts by other mama bloggas:

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